Emerald Heart School Principal, Tim Dyson, shares with the Blog a very important Aha moment, when he was allowed to pierce the veil of belief systems and social conditioning to see the purity within himself as an aspect of Divine creation, free from shame blame and guilt.
A Quest For Purity
I want to share with you something that has been happening for me the last few weeks which culminated in a very magical experience that I know will carry on unfolding within me, probably for quite some time.
I am sure that you will all have had powerful experiences of transformation on your own paths, but I do believe for several important reasons that it is important to share them. They can be very inspiring to others and remind us that when we keep at it, chipping away at things and investing in ourselves in the right kinds of ways then, at certain points things can and do start to shift. There is certainly a right way to read or listen to the experiences of others and I am the first to admit that in the past I used go into my unworthiness, or my cynicism as a defence against feeling those horrible unworthy feelings, when reading or hearing about their good experiences. I made a determined effort quite some years ago to not go that way anymore, but to stay instead with positive and joyful feelings for the person having the profound experience. I hope that you can feel uplifted when reading of my own now.
I consider myself to be a reasonably connected person, but the whole time I have been consciously following a spiritual path I have felt that some important part of the picture was missing.
My Deeply Felt Sense of Not Being Spiritual
Despite reasonably long periods of feeling pretty clear and relatively free from difficulty or confusion, I knew that something was eluding me. It stemmed from a deeply felt sense of not ‘being spiritual.’ All the wonderful but very temporary experiences of bliss, of deep peace, of all pervading love and countless others could not shake this sense that what I was searching for was far from complete, that I was missing something vital. That there was something not happening that would begin to unlock me on a more permanent basis.
I’ve spent very many years studying and practising deeply cleansing energetic practices. I’ve worked hard to gain some level of mastery over my crazy mind and aspects of my ego self, but have always still felt unclean at some core level. The sense of unworthiness and outright shame hadn’t left despite my being much more able to see the bigger picture and to be therefore less reactive to those feelings. I have been able to let go of many unwholesome aspects of my character but still the sense of being unclean and unworthy persisted until in the last few weeks I was aware of something new starting to happen.
The Sacredness of Purity
I had been aware of things bubbling away at a deep level within me for a number of weeks previously. As I sat reflecting one day recently on what it is I am actually striving for, suddenly I felt it; a pristine Purity that felt everywhere, that was flooding from inside of me but was also outside of me connecting into me. The quality of the Purity felt so sacred that I couldn’t help but acknowledge something fundamental that I had been only able to acknowledge partially; my own Divinity. In that moment I experienced my own Divinity and my connection to the Greater Divinity of which I am but a part. The Light showed me an aspect of my true self that had been there all the time but I couldn’t see it until that moment. It is the sacred quality of Purity within the Light that allowed me to recognise for the first time the Purity within myself, as it poured out from me. This part of me that is absolutely pure, always has been and always will be was the part that I needed to experience fully before I could acknowledge the Truth of myself.
An Unfolding Process
Of course, as is typical with this kind of intensely spiritual experience, you cannot hold onto it no matter how much you would like to. It happens and then it is done, but I did manage to retain a sense of the feeling of it and I still have it now. The important thing is that I had the experience of feeling that level of Purity and I know that something new is beginning to open up and unfold within myself. I am sure the Purity had been within the Emerald Heart Light all these years I have worked with it, perhaps the Light is the Purity, but what it showed me in that brief but powerful experience was something about myself that I had been needing to see all these years. That a part of me is pure too, that there is absolutely an aspect of the Divine within me and that no matter how much I am in suffering through unworthiness and shame, I cannot deny the truth of my own experience.
Love & Blessings,
Principle of the Emerald Heart School of Enlightenment