Emerald Heart Elder Tim Dyson, shares with us more of his techniques for dealing with the negative internal dialogue that he has battled with for much of his life. Many will immediately identify with this nagging, destructive voice and although it’s comforting to realise most people have it, its most definitely reassuring that you have something at your fingertips that can support you in this process.
We are all made up of Yes and No. Yes to life, to joy, to growth, to change, to excitement and No to life and all that is good.
We want our Yes to be louder than our No but often it is the other way around. We can even hear our internal No. It manifests in rigidity, in heaviness of mind, in an absence of joy, in a resistance to take any step that would move us forward, that would start to produce change and in an inability to let go of things.
Sometimes I scan through my energy system and look at what is going on internally. I will inevitably come to a place where there is a difficult feeling. If I hold my focus, there I will often hear a small or even loud voice say, ‘No’. It can be quite disconcerting but it will usually go quiet if I keep that focus and then the energy begins to change.
I have had an instinctive No response to life for a lot of years, probably most of my life, although I am told by cousins, etc., that when I was very young I had a great curiosity for life and a big life force energy that was very infectious but that sometime quite early on the fears set in as my enthusiasm for life was knocked out of me.
A big part of my life journey for many years has been to rediscover this passion and joy for life. I have made some real progress with this but that heavy, overly serious-minded, ‘No’ to life is still present a fair amount of the time. It gets less though, and the days where it is strong I just get on with what I need to get on with, even though it tends to feel like I am merely going through the motions. After some time of determination, it normally changes to a more resounding, Yes in my heart but it can take most of the day.
I have learnt not to give this No too much attention or I will not do anything other than wallow around in it. On some days it can be so big that it is difficult to get out of bed and face the day. I know when this is the case, it is imperative that I do get up and face the day and bit by bit it subsides.
I have come to realise that I can do most things almost as well whatever is happening in me internally and that the absence of joy or even hope is just a feeling and like all feelings nothing is permanent. It feels like an old message that is like a worn out record playing on my internal turntable and I can sense the power of it is nothing like what it used to be.
Sometimes when I am lying in bed at night between that space of awake and asleep it can feel crippling and I can feel it searching out all sorts of old fears to draw on to put me in a place of frozen terror. A place where I can quite literally wonder if I am going to die. Even these experiences don’t feel as real to me as they used to and there is the sense of a game being played out. A game that I know very well, but I know it won’t stop me because the deeper sense of who I am will always kick in at some point.
The ability to do the right things for yourself whilst feeling a huge resounding No to life is not always easy but it is important. This is because when we make the effort to do the right thing, it is life affirming and we show ourselves that we recognise who we are on a deeper level. Through this inner acceptance, we don`t allow ourselves to be controlled by our destructive or negative tendencies even whilst they are at their most strong. We maybe in their grip in terms of our thoughts and feelings but it does not mean we have to act them out. In this way we can gradually come to limit the harm we do to ourselves and others through our less than wholesome or destructive actions.
In the Emerald Heart approach to the spiritual path we use extremely powerful and life changing Essences and Programs that were originally given to David Ashworth through his guidance. These Essences are not to be confused with Flower Remedies or homeopathy, as they deliver such a powerful package for change that many people are astonished. Along with Essences and Programs, we also have other tools to bring the Light of the Emerald Heart into our energy systems and deeper consciousness. One effect of this is to reveal to us or to bring into our conscious awareness, our own darker or less than wholesome aspects.
Firstly, the light illuminates the dark patterns and over time there is a sense of separation from these aspects and urges, as the Light seeks to strip our real-selves away from them or create distance from them, through dissolving the energy within them. When this first starts to happen it can make us feel really rather schizophrenic, as if there are two of us, and as we still try to cling to the lower expressions of ourselves, the self we know, it can create a terrible fight inside of us.
As we continue to work with the Essences, we come to identify increasingly with the higher aspects of who we are and the fight becomes less intense and more internalized. It becomes more observed and less acted out and this is important from the point of view of creating less destruction, chaos and difficulty for ourselves and others.
We come to recognise our own darkness and how it works within us very clearly but increasingly we observe it from the standpoint of light and goodness as we recognise that we are essentially creatures of goodness and a genuine force for good in the world.
Love & Blessings,
Elder of The Emerald Heart