Fiona Day shares her experience with the Emerald Heart Light

Fiona shares with us the moving story of how her upbringing caused her to reject God and how connecting with the Light of the Emerald Heart helped her to open her heart again to the God without and the God within.

I have never been particularly ambitious, but from an early age, I always had a desire to be wise. Growing up as a child in the only family I knew that didn’t have a television, reading became an obsession to me and I would always use up my book quota at the library every Saturday morning. I loved to be transported into other worlds and remember being particularly fascinated by characters that were ‘wise’, such as the owls in Winnie the Pooh and Beatrix Potter. I could never work out how this mysterious wisdom was achieved because, even at that young age, I knew it was more than just knowledge and experience.

I was born to missionary parents who had both been ‘saved’ at University and who had become Bible translators in Vietnam (until the war) and Nepal. I was 18 months old when they returned to England with four children under the age of six. We arrived with no money or home to live in, but at the very last minute someone connected to their mission offered a house in West Dulwich, London, and the local church rallied round with gifts of food and clothing. Our living conditions gradually improved after my dad found a good job, and when I was four my parents had saved enough for a deposit on a house round the corner.

My dad was (and is) obsessive – everything he did had to be taken to extremes (such as his compost heap…but that’s another story!) and this included his faith. Grace before every meal (much to my embarrassment when friends were round), evening bible reading and prayers (I could never have had sleepovers), church twice on Sunday, and Sunday school before church. This was an ‘Evangelical Free Church’ and the pastor would always spend half an hour during the service preaching hellfire and damnation to us all. The tone of this, and of my parents’ instruction to me and my brothers was that God was always watching in judgement, and nothing could be hidden from him; not even your thoughts. Added to that, there was the constant fear that Christ might come at any time to ‘judge the living and the dead’ and I might be left behind when he took away all those who were so much more worthy than me.

Unfortunately I was too young to understand that my dad’s dislike of children (in particular, those who weren’t perfect) and his constant criticism, bullying, and even violence was nothing to do with Christianity; nor was my mum’s obedience and subservience to him. Their obsessive lifestyle meant we were not allowed the things that many children take for granted, and this would lead to deeper, long-term issues for me and my brothers. In particular, sweets and crisps were so severely restricted that they became (for all of us, I found out much later) the forbidden fruits that I would do anything to buy and gorge on secretly; using my dinner money or even stealing from a drawer where change was kept. This habit of comfort eating has continued into adulthood (with the addition of alcohol) and is something that (with the help of the Light) I have only just begun to truly understand.

Inevitably, upon reaching my teens and realising that it was impossible to live by my parents’ uncompromising view of Christianity, I rebelled completely by refusing to go to church, cutting my multi coloured hair into spikes, smoking and drinking and generally doing everything I knew my parents would disapprove of. This also included dating the most inappropriate boys (such as an older, tattooed skinhead I met at a Crystal Palace football match who was part of a violent gang of troublemakers). I was off the rails and completely out of control, but I felt I had no option because my parents would not allow me to be myself and join in with the things that my friends were doing. Eventually, when I was 15 I ran away from home and lived on the streets of London with a friend (for two days!) because I was so desperate about the situation. When I returned home, I made it clear to my parents that I was sorry for worrying them, but I was not sorry I did it because they had to come to some agreement with me on how things should be changed. They finally relented and allowed me to go out to places that had previously been forbidden, such as the cinema and parties.

Although our relationship improved, I completely rejected the notion of God and Christianity; thinking that the only way to eradicate the brainwashing was to go completely in the opposite direction and not believe in anything. This was difficult, as there was always a nagging concern that I could be wrong, and occasionally I would have nightmares about rejecting God and being forever condemned to the fires of hell. Looking back on this later made me feel quite angry, as I felt that what my parents had fed us verged on child abuse.

I married young, and had two daughters by the time I was 24. My husband was ultimately a good man but we were very different and he spent a lot of time at work or absorbed in his own obsessions such as gaming. He was raised in a devout Catholic family and although he wasn’t religious when we met, he felt strongly that the girls should be baptised as Catholics. This surprised me, but I was secretly pleased as the way my dad talked about Catholicism, you would think he was talking about Satanism! I am ashamed to admit now that the satisfaction in annoying my dad was a major contributing factor to the fact that I became a Catholic – that and the fact that the girls would be able to get into a good school!

However, if I do anything, I tend to do it wholeheartedly and over the years I did attend classes to learn more about the Catholic faith. I enjoyed the community aspect of taking the girls to church and the church school nearby. By this time we had moved from our flat in Streatham to a house in Teddington to be nearer to my husband’s family. I threw myself into the church activities but there were various aspects of the Catholic faith that didn’t sit well with me, such as the Pope and the Vatican with all its riches, and his view on contraception. For a long while I had been drawn to Buddhism, and the more I read about it, the more I identified with its principles.

My marriage had been very rocky for several years before I finally plucked up the courage to end it. It took a long time to recover from the break-up, and I turned to Buddhism in earnest, with daily yoga and meditation. I only had books to learn from, and toyed with the idea of attending a temple in the hope of finding the right teacher. This seemed to go against the grain, as I felt that a teacher was someone who should come to me by some sort of divine intervention. I didn’t realise that at that time I wasn’t ready, and that I was to endure the most challenging time of my life before that teacher was sent.

Three years after my marriage ended, I met a man who I should never have brought into my life; let alone have allowed him to damage my children and our relationship in the way that he did. He was a violent, negative and manipulative alcoholic, but funny, exciting and exhilarating in equal measure. After years of having to be the good girl/mother/wife, I entered another phase of rebellion and became a selfish, hedonistic, drink-dependent, co-dependent and manipulated half of a couple who only had eyes for themselves. In my most forgiving moments, I can see that I tried to fix the severely damaged person that he was; in my most unforgiving moments I am utterly disgusted that I could have allowed the havoc that was wreaked on me and the girls. I can only take the blame squarely on my shoulders because I knew what he was when I met him, and I put having fun before the children that I should have been protecting the most.

The relationship ended when he finally took the verbal abuse too far and turned it into physical abuse by attacking my youngest daughter. The lowest point of my life was the fact that, even when it was happening, I was trying to reason with him rather than calling the police. Even afterwards, I didn’t throw him out – I felt sorry for him as he attempted suicide a few times, and felt obliged to support him if he gave up drinking (which he promised he would do). It was only when my daughter found out that I was trying to sort things out and put her foot down that I knew I had to get away from him once and for all.

By this time, as the girls had been to University and subsequently moved out, I had sold my house in West London to downsize, and bought a place near the sea in Suffolk. We were staying at my partner’s flat in London during the week, so this was really intended to be a weekend place, but the shock split meant that I was now cut adrift and living miles away from my friends and family. Thankfully, my job as an Area Manager covering the South East of England meant I could either stay in hotels, or drive from home to most of my accounts. Strangely enough, circumstances had led to my girls eventually moving from West London to South East London and they were now living in West Dulwich, round the corner from where I grew up (you may think this is irrelevant, but bear with me). I was able to stay with them as it was easy to get into central London.

You would think that by now I had learnt all the lessons necessary to make me a well-balanced individual, but no, not yet! Once I had licked my wounds and begun to repair the damaged relationships with family and friends, I embarked on various light-hearted sexual flings, often with completely inappropriate men. Having realised I was making the same mistakes again, and feeling hollow and empty, I thought that perhaps an online dating site would be the way to choose more carefully. I could pick someone based on common interests, rather than meeting random men in bars when I was drunk.

My friend recommended a particular dating site that you had to pay for (surely this would mean a better class of men was to be had?) which offered a 14 day free trial. I thought I had nothing to lose, so I signed up and quickly found that I learned far more about myself than I did about anyone I conversed with. I only made it to 10 days (including one date) before cancelling – I couldn’t bear the objectiveness of it all. Just because you match on paper, doesn’t mean you have any chemistry between you, and that’s aside from the fact that anyone can make up a fake persona to project. However, I felt that the process had taught me that I needed to find myself first before I found a partner. After so many years of existing for others and/or rebelling, I felt I had lost my identity. I deleted all the guys I had been in contact with, apart from one whose profile had caught my eye – partly because his spiritual interests were similar and intriguing, but also because he lived down the road from where I grew up and where the girls were living (now you see the relevance).

That was Tim Dyson, and that was how my teacher came to me. We met up and walked in the Dulwich parks that I had walked in as a child, and astonishingly we found that our childhoods had been very similar. He understood the pain of that brainwashing; the embarrassment of being different; the feeling that your parents would never be proud unless you were like them. During our conversation, I asked him about the type of spiritual work that he did, and he mentioned something about light, but didn’t go into detail thankfully, as the little he said made me think it was all a bit weird. We talked for hours, and by the time we said our goodbyes, I felt as if he was a brother to me.

Tim invited me to the next gathering at his house, so I went despite much fear and trepidation regarding what I was going to encounter. Although there are many of my parents’ ingrained beliefs that I have managed to dispel, the idea that some aspects of a spiritual nature could be evil or dangerous still rings alarm bells, so I was somewhat guarded when I arrived. The group of people were a very mixed selection of characters, but everyone was friendly and welcoming. My first experience of the Light was a very strong, heavy feeling which almost took my breath away. I had to resist the urge to panic and as Tim talked me through it, because of our connection, I knew I could trust him and that this Light was something pure and true. One thing that did unsettle me however, was that he occasionally referred to ‘God’, and given my utter rejection of the idea of God, I found this hard to swallow. However, by thinking of God as ‘the Universe’ instead, I was able to accept the deeper message he was conveying.

That was last summer, and I can’t believe how much the Light has changed me since. Or should I say, how much it has shown that the ‘me’ I despised and couldn’t forgive, is the product of my life and past lives, but the ‘me’ that is my Higher Self is full of compassion and love for everyone and everything; including that ‘despicable me’. Continuing to attend the gatherings as often as possible, and using the essences that Tim prescribed, I have gradually worked through so many of my old habits and fears, such as my relationship with my parents and children, my relationship with food and alcohol, and ultimately my relationship with myself. It has not been easy, as I have gone through periods of utter darkness and despair, but just when I have felt at my lowest, the Light shines through and another revelation clicks into place.

Having recently reached the point of feeling that I had hit a brick wall, I approached Tim for help and he put me on a program. The message he gave (which hit the nail on the head) was that I was struggling with guilt and shame, and a deep sense of unworthiness. In particular, I had a disconnection with my identity. This made me realise that, in spending most of my life trying to create a new identity that was different from the one my parents inflicted on me, I had completely lost myself. Following a one-to one Skype session with Tim, in my next meditation I was filled with an amazingly powerful surge of love and acceptance and the words that came to me were: ‘Be still and know that I am God’. I was profoundly moved as I realised that, by rejecting God, I had rejected myself! My parents’ version of a Christian life was what I should have been rejecting; not throwing the baby out with the bath water and rejecting God in the process. I finally knew that it was ok to accept and talk about God, and this incredible feeling I experienced was the same as being touched by what Christians would call ‘The Spirit’. It doesn’t matter how you label it, this is ‘All That Is’ – full of Truth, Love, Compassion and the path to Enlightenment. You could even call it ‘Wisdom’.

Fiona Day

 

 

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Emerald Heart Practitioner Irene Timm shares a very moving account of her journey into self love

Irene Timm Emerald Heart

The last time the Emerald Heart Light hit me full-on was in August 2017 right after I had served it in Tim Dyson’s Mount Retreat in Wales as the cook for the participants. In return it endowed me with truth and destroyed my illusions about love.

The very first day after the retreat I had to learn that my husband, although he still loved me, had fallen in love with another woman.  First I couldn’t believe what was happening. But every time I tried to deny it I got punched right in the face. During the following months my marriage fell to pieces. My biggest fear, to be left by the most loved person in my life, had come true. Still there was this inner knowing that true love was at work.

I went through a deeply transformative process and so did our marriage. Slowly I realized that I had put the relationship to my husband always above my relationship to myself and so above my relationship to God/the Light/ the Divine – not out of true love but of deepest neediness. Letting go of this pattern was the first step. Learning to love myself from the bottom of my heart the second. After weeks of deep mourning  and raging anger I got aware of a new part in me that wanted to live. A part that was quite powerful and so fed up with making myself smaller – especially towards my husband (the crazy thing was, that he had never expected me to behave like that, quite the opposite, it always had irritated him).

As soon as I gave this part enough space inside myself I had wonderful days of flow experiences. On one of these days I woke up with a voice inside my head telling me “I love you.” When I opened my email-account that very morning I found an email by David Ashworth in which he advertised the Mary Magdalene´s Magical Months – a program in Self-Love given through Mary Magdalene to Harriet Kroon. It just took me a few seconds  to decide to enroll for this program.

It was interesting to discover over the months that there was still a part in me that was totally against this development, a part that was convinced that someone else could do the job of loving me much better than I ever could. In other words – I was confronted with the fact that despite all my independence (financially and socially) I still felt emotionally  addicted. It was the unbearable tension through the pending decision either to split up ultimately with my husband because the pain of having been hurt wouldn’t disappear or to continue our marriage on a deeper level of love that opened me for the unknown.  I didn’t want to just think deeper love, but feel it. It happened on a rainy November evening while I was walking along a very busy road. I felt that familiar old pain in my heart of not being loved, of being left alone and having no choice than running away from it all. But instead of running away a motherly energy inside myself  became tangible and this inner mother took a deep look at that pain, at the little girl that was connected to it and embraced her so warmly, that after a few minutes the little girl inside myself felt so at home like she had never felt before. Since this deep and true experience something inside myself has changed completely. I feel loved like I have never felt before – independently from the love of my husband.  He has been undergoing his own process during the last one and a half years. We are still together and we both feel that we have brought our marriage to the next level.

I am so grateful for all the guidance through my teachers  Upchar Levi (who is not connected to the Emerald Heart Light but also very enlightening in his Chakra work), Brigitte Lämmle (the most confronting and loving couples therapist I can imagine), Christina Achter (a brilliant music-therapist, who went on very healing music journeys into my inner world with me ), Yvonne Hrdy (who brought the Emerald Heart Light into my life),  Sephora McElroy (practitioner and my mentor in the Emerald Heart  work), Tim Dyson (for his wonderful Mountain Retreats in the Light of the Emerald Heart), Harriet Kroon  (my  mentor in the Divine Plan Healing System and in my new work with Mary Magdalene´s Light) and of course David Ashworth, who brought the Emerald Heart Light into the world.

Working with the Emerald Heart Light has helped me to become aware of my deepest fears. It gave me always enough courage and trust that I can face them. It seems to me that dissolving all those fears that had come up over the last eight years made way for Mary Magdalene´s Light. The last four months in her Light have been extremely soothing. I have the feeling of being at home –finally (at least for the moment).

Irene Timm – Emerald Heart Practitioner

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Thank you and Seasons Greetings

We trust that you enjoyed and benefited from the Winter Solstice Light Transmission and we thank all those of you who took part by opening yourselves to the Emerald Heart Light and allowing it to touch your deeper consciousness in this way.

From all of us here, we wish all of you, the Emerald Heart family, a very joyous and peaceful Christmas period and a New Year full of growth and a softening of your own heart.

Much love and joy to you all.

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Reminder – December Light Transmission 2018

Its not too late to sign up for the December Solstice Emerald Heart Light Transmission, between 20th and 22nd December. 

For more information go HERE 

 

Tips on how to Receive the Light Transmission

A good period to receive the Light is about an hour at a time and once per day will be enough.

1.  Set your Intent for the time you wish to receive the Light.

2.  Make yourself comfortable and cover yourself with a blanket.

3.  Relax and just be in the moment, calming your mind and listening to your breath.

4.  Trust the Process and you will find that within a few moments you begin to feel the peaceful Light of The Emerald Heart.

5.  Post some feedback on the BLOG for others to share in.

You may share this opportunity with those you feel would benefit from this amazing three day experience. Forward them this page using the buttons below.

 

 

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Light Transmission – December Solstice 2018

(For other languages see links at the end of this post.)


During the December Solstice 2018, the Emerald Heart Light will be made  available across the world .

No exchange required.

 

What is The Emerald Heart Light?

It is a Light which opens the heart to the truth within you, helping you to become more connected with yourself, with more clarity and focus for your life.

Times for This TRANSMISSION:

From 1.00am on the 20th to midnight on the 22nd December at your local time.

The Light will be available for you for Three Full Days without charge.

To receive The Emerald Heart Light, you will need to register at the Light Transmission Registration Page on the Emerald Heart BLOG.

Guidelines on how to receive the Light are provided on the Registration page below

 

  Register for the Light Transmission

HERE

 

Why seek the help of The Emerald Heart Light?

Thousands of people have worked with the Emerald Heart Light over the years for many and varied reasons. Some people absolutely know they are on their spiritual path and are determined to constantly grow spiritually, whilst others are seeking help with all kinds of general life issues.

HEALING,  for example:

Recovery from an illness or operation by rebalancing the physical body

Resolving difficulties with a loved one through guidance and understanding

Moving on from a relationship by dissolving emotional ties

Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attacks through cleansing and repair

Breaking out of the same repeating patterns through dissolving limitations

General cleansing and balancing of the energy system

SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT:

Feeling stuck in your life and work

Knowing that you can’t go on in the same way any longer

Working with a Teacher to help you find the answers

Discovering the deeper issues that prevent your growth

Finding the Prime Limiting Factor that prevents a conscious shift

Learning how to constantly move forward on your path

Discovering your hidden potential

Discovering your true inner power

Seeking your Truth through a deeper spiritual life path

Experiencing True Evolutionary Shifts

Connecting to the God Consciousness and Unity

 

The Knowing!  When Universal Light begins to work on you, you get a sense of ‘knowing’ in your heart. This feeling is impossible to describe as it is different for everyone, but it is just a perfect sense that you know something to be absolutely true at the core of your being. That sense of knowing is the God-consciousness awakening and communicating with you in your heart.

With Love

The Emerald Heart School of Enlightenment

For the German page https://wp.me/P1TEQN-4aw

For Swedish https://wp.me/P1TEQN-4ay

For Netherlands https://wp.me/P1TEQN-4aA

For French https://wp.me/P1TEQN-4aD

For Spanish https://wp.me/P1TEQN-4aF

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Podcast 4 November 2018 – Ian Mills and Tim Dyson

 

          

Ian Mills and Tim team up again for podcast 4. Tim shares about his struggles and journey in life and how he became Principal of the Emerald Heart School.

Posted in Ian Mills, Spiritual Healing, Tim Dyson | 1 Comment

Tim Dyson – From Lack or Abundance

Emerald Heart School Principal, Tim Dyson, pens another thought-provoking article for the Blog. Are we coming from a position of Lack or Abundance? Read on for the clues..

 

 


From Lack or Abundance

Certain things have been making themselves clearer to me of late about the nature of suffering and how our attempts to relieve ourselves of this condition tend to actually keep us in it. We have all, I’m sure, had periods of time when we feel clear, free in our thoughts and emotions, the inner turmoil has subsided and our confusion has lifted. In this kind of state everything seems simpler and just flows along very nicely. Because we’ve had experiences of feeling good in this kind of way or may even have touched very profound states of deeper realisation, when we inevitably find ourselves again in a more confused troubled state of being we want to find the ‘good’ state again and try to grasp after it. We know attachment and aversion cause us suffering, we’ve all read the teachings but it becomes hard to accept the more difficult state of being when we have experienced feeling happy or even a more awakened state.

I can’t help feeling that we tend to come at this from the wrong place inside of ourselves. Because we have spent most of our lives in ignorance, confusion and suffering we consciously or unconsciously take that to be our normal state and the brief experiences of something more awakened as an aberration to our normal state. Whilst this is true up to a point it misses the crucial point that the more awakened state is actually our true state of being and the confusion and suffering are just what is clouding our experience of this. Perhaps in reality things are actually the other way around than we tend to perceive them. All the great teachers throughout the ages talk of our real nature and the importance of getting in touch with it so surely then if awakened is our real nature we are already full and lacking nothing. From this deeper perspective it is not so much then about changing how we feel, but rather recognising our deeper nature and the struggle to feel good just gets in the way because it is coming from a sense of lacking something. We can’t lack something that we already are, the problem isn’t one of lack at all, it is actually one of recognition.

Of course the troubled state of being feels more real to us because it has been our habitual condition for at least most of our lives. The brief periods of time of experiencing a different way of being, feel less real in comparison because they have tended to be so fleeting. We identify so much more strongly with our troubled and grosser experience of ourselves and life and endlessly search for this elusive state where we feel clear and good. When we do find it, we try to hold onto it and go into panic when we lose it again, creating much drama around this. Often we think we have gone backwards or lost something vital and the panic stems from a belief we will never find those better feelings or more awakened state again. Of course when we come through to the other side of our troubled state and find some happiness and clarity again it all seems like not such a big deal until our emotions and minds are inevitably stirred up again and we become lost in confusion all over again.

This hardly feels like coming from a place of abundance, rather it smacks of lack and desperation. So what if we choose to recognise that parts of us may well always be troubled, but, that although these parts of us exist, there are other aspects to us, other parts of consciousness that are far more enlightened and aligned with our higher self and that they are always there no matter what is happening or whether we are aware of them in that moment or not. We know when we do experience them that these parts are much more subtly attuned to what Universal Consciousness or God wants from us and how he is seeking to guide our life. Perhaps in this aspect we could learn much from the notion of Faith, a word that conjures up many religious connotations. Many of us react to the church with all its manipulations and dogma and I’m not suggesting we should go to church unless we feel to but there’s a lot to be said for an abiding faith that all is well on a fundamental level and that we are being taken care of. We could say that invoking faith is taking a leap of faith into the unknown and unknowable. A position of trust that no matter how hard things maybe I trust that I have the inner resources to cope or that I will be led to the right person to help me find a way through the difficulties. I have faith that the Divine has my back in this way and can work through myself and others to aid me. This is coming from a position of abundance not one of lack and whenever we are coming from an abundant place the Divine can help us more easily. The Law of Attraction can work in our favour for abundance attracts abundance.

Over time we come to recognise that something fundamentally good and full of love is running through everything and that we can trust this. What seems like extreme difficulty often later is revealed as a blessing in disguise. Now I’d be the first to admit that I’m full of fears and find faith a difficult one, but I recognised the need for it and have worked to establish this as a foundational cornerstone of my life. I have a long way to go with this aspect, but I can at least see its vital importance for a spiritual life.

So we have the position of lack, that I am not enough as I am, that I must reject my current sense of reality as being too much to bear and grasp after something different in panic and fear, or we can learn to recognise that there are always parts of us that are not caught up in our dramas and to learn over time to align more with these aspects of self. If we can rest in and express ourselves from these deeper parts of who we are, so it feels like they seem to grow and become fuller as we become more fully them. The troubled and suffering parts of us become less loud and bothersome and we can choose which aspects of our consciousness we want to listen to and to align with.

This then, is coming from a position of abundance as we are approaching ourselves and life from a place of knowing that at least some aspects of our consciousness are not bound up with the dramas and even if we can’t access them in that moment we know they are there and have the faith and trust that they will be revealed again sometime soon when our emotions and minds are quieter. Now of course if we can do something to alleviate our situation then why wouldn’t we and although the Emerald Heart Light is primarily an evolutionary light it will act as a rescuer in those circumstances when we are very lost and will bring us back again very quickly to a better and more balanced place where we can readily grow and evolve from. Sometimes all we need is help to see the truth of what we are struggling with and this unlocks us from the turmoil and we start to feel better straight away. The essences and programmes that we use continue this process and take us further in the unfolding evolution of our consciousness for they are Keys of Transformation, they unlock the door to our growth by opening the heart at deeper and deeper levels.

If we can approach the need for help with a certain maturity and wisdom then we don’t become so lost in the first place and can get back to some kind of even keel much more quickly. Perhaps most importantly we are growing in our awareness through the difficulties and breaking our old patterns of reaction that create much of the panic and fear. By ceasing to make a problem worse through our less than spiritually mature response, we become bigger and able to cope with more and that is reflected to us through the growing brightness of the light we shine.

Love & Blessings,

Tim Dyson

Principle of the Emerald Heart School of Enlightenment

London, England

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